Leslie Freeman's week on Child Development was one of my two favourite weeks of teaching so far in the Children at Risk School (along with Lance Rawlins’ week on Project Planning and Development). Leslie has her master’s in special education and is currently living in Jaco, Costa Rica, where her and her husband, Scott, run an after-school programme, reaching out to some of the most vulnerable children in the community. We went to Jaco for the week of teaching and stayed on a property owned by Christian Surfers, where we were able to observe Leslie and Scott’s ministry in the afternoons.
Leslie walked us through the developmental ages and stages from infancy to the toddler years and on to the preschool years. We were also supposed to do middle childhood but ran out of time. She gave us some concise notes on middle childhood and adolescence, however, which I found a useful overview even though I’ve come across the theory before.
She also discussed attachment – the foundation for development as well as for a child-centered approach to discipline. For normal development an infant needs secure attachment with a primary caregiver, which sets the stage for all later development. Out of the attachment relationship, the child builds what is called the working model, the child’s view of him/herself in relationship to others, which he/she will try to reproduce in his/her later relationships and communication. The working model is more or less set by the age of 3-4 years, but it was encouraging to hear Leslie say, that with good care it can be changed. In fact, referring to John Bowlby’s theory on attachment and the range of developmental pathways, Leslie said, that there is always ways back towards healthy. While obviously the earlier a developmental pathway changes its course towards healthy the better, there is always hope. We now know that our brains can change even when we’re adults. Personally, this gives me a renewed sense of hope and encourages me to consistently keep being the grown-up, not only for children, but for adults who have a broken child acting up inside of them.
Leslie shared some very insightful thoughts on discipline with us. All kinds of behaviour are a way of communication, she explained. Since behaviours are need-driven, we should try to respond to the underlying needs instead of reacting to the behaviours as such. The root of discipline is connection, she went on to say, and gave us some quotes to illuminate her point:
We know from developmental psychology and attachment theory that the bond between parent and child is the most important factor in a child’s development and behavior. When children are attached in a deep and meaningful way, they want to follow their parents’ lead and will not, for the most part, be resistant.
(Chris White)
Children who are products of attachment parenting are easier to discipline because even as infants they learn what it is to feel right, and children who feel right are more likely to act right. This inner feeling of rightness of being able to trust others, is the beginning of a baby’s self-worth, and children’s behavior usually mirrors their feelings about themselves.
(Dr. Sears)
There is a beautiful intelligence about how a child’s development is meant to unfold. When children are deeply attached to their parents this bond allows us to transmit our rules and values and guide them in a positive way.
(Chris White)
…methods of parenting rooted in the philosophy of behaviorism can achieve short term changes in a child’s behavior, but at a long term cost of delaying development and promoting immaturity.
(Chris White)
Our parents (or other primary caregivers) give us our first tangible experience of who God is. “Attachment IS the heart of God“, Leslie writes. Through the attachment relationship parents model God’s love in a concrete way, even though in a broken world insecure attachment will, sadly, convey a distorted image of who God is. Correspondingly, children won’t even have a concept of God’s love if it hasn’t been modeled to them. Reflecting on this, I smile to think how my mum has modeled God’s love for me in her parenting without even knowing it. I really am blessed and hope to pass on some of the love so freely given to me.
We had time in class daily to meditate on Bible verses and contemplate on what they communicate to us about how God relates to us, modeling how we should relate to each other, including children, because “a child is a person as fully deserving of love and respect as any adult”, as Leslie writes. Here are a few of the verses Leslie asked us to reflect on in reference to how we relate to children:
Don’t lord over the people assigned to your good care, but lead them by your own good example.
(I Peter 5:3)
Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. (II Peter 5:7)
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. (Hosea 11:4)
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced perfect love. We love each other because He first loved us. (I John 4:18)
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. (Proverbs 15:1)
He will deliver the needy who cry out. (Psalm 72:12)
The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
(Psalm 103:8)
In a world that doesn’t always value sensitivity, taking the time to listen and to build a deep connection, it was encouraging to hear Leslie teach on the value of these aspects and explain how they are some of the very core things children need.
Ei kommentteja:
Lähetä kommentti